I haven't been on Friendster for 5 days now.

I'm starting to twitch.

Must. stop. Friendster. more. addicting. than. smoking.

YIKES!

"What's this? You're gettin' fat there!"

THINK BEFORE SPEAKING.

Sometimes, I wish that YOU held ME until I fell asleep. Sometimes I wish that I didn't feel this way. Sometimes I wish that I could better articulae myself so you know exactly how I feel. Sometimes I wish that I didn't take so many things so personally. Sometimes I wish that you're world revolved mostly around me. Sometimes I wish that you could read my mind so the words wouldn't get in the way. Sometimes I wish you would understand that it's not what you say it's how yu say it. Sometimes I wish I could grow wings and fly away. Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and everything looked better in the morning. Sometimes I wish that I wouldn't have to always explain myself...sometimes it just hurts. Sometimes I want to be with the person you love most. Sometimes I want you to humor me and accept the fact that I do my best thinking at night. Sometimes I want them to remember that even though I am working this Saturday, I am still willing to drive 2 hours to Roseville. Sometimes I want you to think about how difficult it is to not tell my parents that I are moving. Sometimes I wish that the little things didn't hurt in such a big way.

"Hold on...Feeling like I'm headed for a breakdown and I don't know why...
But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell. I know right now you can't tell. But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see...a different side of me."

Last night, I made my boyfriend cry.

It's hard to have your feelings acknowledged when you are so concerned abot making someone you truly care about (and love so dearly) feel better. I'm going through some..."interesting" times right now. I hate the fact that my associates can be fucking morons and that because of them I had to work all 7 days this week. I hate the fact that now that I work in retail, I miss a lot of cool, fun stuff (or I show up late to it). I hate the fact that I've been hiding an important secret from my parents, but don't know how to tell them. I hate the fact that I often say "long time no see" to the family I live with. I hate the fact that I have to drive 30 minutes to see my boyfriend. I hate the fact that my idea of spending time with Byron completely differs from his. I hate the fact that I cried myself to sleep last night.

I don't hate my job or my associates (well, maybe one). I don't hate my family or my parents. I especially don't hate my boyfriend. If anything, I love these things more than anything in the world right now.

I just hate the crappy stuff that comes with it.

Doooood...

Justin Timberlake is fine as hell. FINE AS HELL. Jenn asked me if I would whore myself to him while we were driving to the concert and I replied, "This is just not the week for that." I can't even whore myself to my own boyfriend...how am I supposed to whore myself to JT? Let me just say that we were close enough to the stage that we were watching groupies talking to Johnny Wright (JT's manager) trying to...well...whore themselves to him. It was a fucking trip.

I didn't think that I would enjoy the Xtina portion of the show, but I did. I got to sing along with her old school shit and now I have a reason to buy her CD. Not as raunchy as I thought. I was always a fan of her singing...I love it when concerts make me a better fan.

I haven't really been myself lately and I don't know why. I think it's all the pressure that's building from moving out and the fact that I'm too chicken to tell my parents. I feel bad because I've been taking it out on Byron, but I usually try to apologize when I do that. There's not a moment that goes by that I don't think about how big this step is for the both of us.

Graduation time. Pomp and circumstance. Starting new chapters, ending old ones.

Remember when you thought you knew everything...but as time passed you learned that there's so much more out there than you thought? You thought you've discovered yourself, but then realize that there's so much more to learn about everything especially yourself? And when you thought you've conquered the difficult stuff only to realize that there's more conquering that lies ahead?

It's interesting to see this change in people and know I was once there. Time does change everything, whether we like it or not , and we just have to accept change as it comes. A wise person once told me "it's okay to think about it, but it's not okay to dwell on it."

Class of 2003...welcome to the next step.

I think Janet Jackson (and Joni Mitchell) put it best when they sang, "On and on we seem to go, but you don't know what you got 'til it's gone."

There is someone special in my life and for the past 2 weeks or so, I haven't been able to spend time with them the way that I want to. I feel partly to blame because I know they're hurting and I don't know if they know that I'm trying my best to right the situation. I don't want them to feel that I am negligent in any way, but that sometime life gets in the way of progress.

For those who know me best, you probably have already guessed that I'm talking about my car.

I drove her to San Jose this evening because she's supposed to get fixed. The part comes in on Thursday, so I'm crossing my fingers that she'll be ready by next week. I've already come to terms with the fact that this is all coming out of my pocket and I'm prolly never gonna find the fucker that did this to her.

I just want to have my car (and my freedom) back.

...the return of...

QUOTABLE QUOTES!

"dude, Dude, DUDE!"

"I've been making decisions ALL DAY."

"I just don't like baked fruit."

"I don't think that reason is good enough."

"My feet stink. Let's just turn my shoe over."

"Yeah, 'cuz that's gonna make it all better."

"Shut up Dawn!"

"That's too much information."

"Cool! A retro room! Dude, they have FROGGER!"

"It was a $10 nap."

"Fill the boot. Fill it with what?"

I miss you already Miah. Come back (or move here) soon! I love you!

Dear God,

I know I don't ask for much being that I'm not a regular church goer, but as a person of faith I would like to ask one thing of you.

Please kill the bastard that messed up my driver's side fender, almost completely exposing my tire, making my car alarm trip out and putting my poor LUCKY out of comission for at least a week.

I realize that "kill" may be a strong word, so whatever uncomfort you want to bring into that moronic high-schooler's life would be good enough for me. I would also like to be reimbursed for the possible $300-400 in damages.

Please also do something to his stupid, loser friend. You know, Byron's neighbor's son. I don't think he deserves to have friends. I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

Thank you for your time and consideration with this matter.

One love,
Dawn

COUNTDOWN TO DAY OFF: 2 days.

It's nice to know that every dark cloud has a silver lining. As much as work has been stressing me out, my boss always tells me that I'm doing a fantastic job and that she is has a lot of confidence in me. You have no idea how it feels to know that someone has faith in you, especially since I don't really have confidence in myself. Yes, you heard it here. I am an insecure person. But don't I play it off so well?

Anywho, I should be sleeping. I'm really happy how my life has unfolded thus far. There are so many things that I'm so thankful for. I have a wonderful, loving family. I have a supportive, good looking, boyfriend who knows how to work it. I have a great job and work for a terrific company. I have a sexy, yet reliable car. I have true friends that love me for me and nothing else. And on top of all that....

I'm sexy as hell.

It's good to be me :)

"It's not about you. It's not about what you're doing or what you're not doing. It's not about how this is making you feel. It's about me. It's about how I feel. It's about what I'm going through. You don't have to change anything. I'm not feeling this way because of you. I want you to make me forget about it. That's what you're supposed to do."

ROYCE ANGELO SORIA REYES

born May 16, 2003 at 12:53 am

8 lbs 3 oz 20 1/2 inches


Mommy and baby are doing fine.

I am such a little bitch sometimes...it's not even funny. I guess I still like to be the victim. Watching my niece made me realize that. Why am I not more patient with the people that I love? Why am I so starved for attention? Why don't I know how to choose my battles? I'm just having one of those days when I wish I was someone else. I wish I was in another place and time. I wish I was making more money. I wish I wasn't living with my parents house. I wish I could just crawl into a hole and chill there for about a day or two.

Gonna go wash and vaccuum my neglected car. Sorry LUCKY.

When Miah asks me "how are you?"

ME: or maybe i just need to get some cuz i haven't had any since last week
ME: :-D
MIAH: lol
MIAH: ahem...whore...ahem
ME: i guess some things never change
MIAH: well...that's why we're soul mates

When Miah asks if I've told my parents I'm moving

MIAH: wimp
ME: i know huh
ME: i just really don't know how to say it
MIAH: just say...mom, dad...i'm moving
ME: and i'm living in sin with my boyfriend
MIAH: yeah
MIAH: i hope u approve
MIAH: lol

"What in this world keeps us from falling apart? No matter where I go, I hear the beating of our one heart. I think about you when the night is cold and dark. No on can move me the way that you do. Nothing erases this feeling between me and you. I drove all night to get to you. Is that alright? I drove all night and crept in your room, woke you from your sleep to make love to you. Is that alright? I drove all night..."

I realize that the first time our eyes met, it would be something so much bigger, so much more powerful than we could have ever imagined. And I find that the more I'm with you, the more I don't want to be without you. My life has changed. You're the one that makes me who I am today. You're the one I'll love forever. You're my best friend. You're "the one."

Here's to Chilli's and Starbucks...and being able to sit across from each other.

My boss is transferring me to a different store...the store that is 20 miles away from Mountain House. I haven't slept in my own bed for the past two days. It's weird being at my parents house on a week night. When I was in the car today, my mom said "when Dawn moves out" not "if Dawn moves out."

I guess this is going to be easier than I thought.

Thought for the day:

Life can be best summed up in three words: IT GOES ON.

R.I.P. Auntie Mila

Wow.
It's the last day of April.
Wow.

She was sitting in the audience, mesmerized by the sounds and sights of the performers in front of her. Relaxed in her chair, she folded her arms in front of her and closed her eyes. Smiling, she opened her eyes and came to an epiphany.

I'm surrounded by a bunch of fucking FOBs.

What a show. Thanks honey.