finally...
As of December 25, 2004...Byron and I are officially engaged!
Let the wedding planning begin....
Friday, December 31, 2004
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
happy fucking holidays
Well, it's been a LONG time since I written in here and many things have happened over the past couple of weeks.
Remember the car that I mentioned in previous posts? IT WAS STOLEN FROM OUR DRIVEWAY...right in front of our garage. Ain't that some shit. But no worries...the Modesto PD found it and it wasn't really damaged. We should be getting it back in a week as it is at the shop...but who's gonna give our sense of security back?
Taryn turned FIVE on Monday. It's official...she's a kid now. I looked at Royce and his head is starting to become more proportioned to his body. Why won't you kids stop growing!
I am now finacially independent of my parents...I paid off the rest of my car, I have my own insurance...it was liberating and disheartening at the same time.
Have a safe holiday season everyone...I hope I get to see all of you soon. I'm only a phone call away...and if you have AT&T or Cingular, we can talk for free. Word.
Well, it's been a LONG time since I written in here and many things have happened over the past couple of weeks.
Remember the car that I mentioned in previous posts? IT WAS STOLEN FROM OUR DRIVEWAY...right in front of our garage. Ain't that some shit. But no worries...the Modesto PD found it and it wasn't really damaged. We should be getting it back in a week as it is at the shop...but who's gonna give our sense of security back?
Taryn turned FIVE on Monday. It's official...she's a kid now. I looked at Royce and his head is starting to become more proportioned to his body. Why won't you kids stop growing!
I am now finacially independent of my parents...I paid off the rest of my car, I have my own insurance...it was liberating and disheartening at the same time.
Have a safe holiday season everyone...I hope I get to see all of you soon. I'm only a phone call away...and if you have AT&T or Cingular, we can talk for free. Word.
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Monday, November 15, 2004
well adjusted
Eating popcorn and watching FRIENDS in our 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom home made me realized that I am now...an adult. I walked in from the garage to emptiness, but not the kind of emptiness I've been dreading for the past couple of months, but a comfortable kind. Like when you're sitting with a close friend and just enjoying their company...that kind of comfort. I've bitched and complained that I have nothing to look forward to...but I do. I don't take myself too seriously at work (just enough to actually keep my job...I do have shit to pay for now) and in turn I have this new found appreciation for life. I had Taryn and Royce for the weekend...they were a handful! But not to the point where I don't want kids anymore because I do...it's just that I'm okay with waiting for the "right" time. I'm in such a rush to do things that I don't really take the time out to just enjoy everything...especially myself :)
Eating popcorn and watching FRIENDS in our 5 bedroom, 3 bathroom home made me realized that I am now...an adult. I walked in from the garage to emptiness, but not the kind of emptiness I've been dreading for the past couple of months, but a comfortable kind. Like when you're sitting with a close friend and just enjoying their company...that kind of comfort. I've bitched and complained that I have nothing to look forward to...but I do. I don't take myself too seriously at work (just enough to actually keep my job...I do have shit to pay for now) and in turn I have this new found appreciation for life. I had Taryn and Royce for the weekend...they were a handful! But not to the point where I don't want kids anymore because I do...it's just that I'm okay with waiting for the "right" time. I'm in such a rush to do things that I don't really take the time out to just enjoy everything...especially myself :)
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
I think it's funny that there are people out in the wonderful land of blogging who get offended when something is posted that really pisses them off. In response, they go off on their own online journal and talk shit. Then, after that, they get mad because other people are up in their business when what started this whole thing is them getting in other people's business.
Strange world I tell you. But, as the saying goes...people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones...
Strange world I tell you. But, as the saying goes...people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones...
Sunday, November 07, 2004
Thursday, October 28, 2004
I have about an hour or so before Byron gets home and we can go to Wal Mart to get some stuff for our Halloween costumes. What are we going to be? Freeways. I even talked my unit at work to come dressed like that tomorrow too...I'm super excited, which just shows how much of a loser I've become.
My friend and fellow Gaucho Alum Jason recently joined the Allstate family. I'm happy because FINALLY I get to be around someone I hung out with in college. Good times, good times.
We now have access to our equity line...and I've paid off both of my credit cards and will soon be paying off my car. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. What's next? I think you guys can guess...
random thought: sexual harrassment is for ugly people.
My friend and fellow Gaucho Alum Jason recently joined the Allstate family. I'm happy because FINALLY I get to be around someone I hung out with in college. Good times, good times.
We now have access to our equity line...and I've paid off both of my credit cards and will soon be paying off my car. I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. What's next? I think you guys can guess...
random thought: sexual harrassment is for ugly people.
Monday, October 18, 2004
I went to SB this weekend...and as always, it was fucking good ass times.
And then I found myself crying on my couch last night, holding onto Byron for dear life.
Fun times, sure...but at what cost?
Unlike me, Byron will never experience this. It's like re-living a period in your life when you know that you were truly happy. When everyone you loved was within a 1 mile radius from you, when you laughed so hard that your stomach muscles actually cramped, when you always knew the right thing to say and even when you didn't, people believed you anway...
Not that being here with Byron or living on my own sucks or anything, but it's just a different kind of happiness. It sucks when you know that you have to close that chapter in your life and move on to bigger and better things. But for some people, it's there and accessible...you experience different things and you experience them together. I'm not that fortunate. I depend on blogs to update me on people that I used to see everyday. I see them for one weekend a year and on special occassions. How do you keep the people who meant so much for 4 years close to you like you never left?
Lately, I've been feeling really lonely. It doesn't help that I'm even further away from my family. I just want to know that this will get easier...
And then I found myself crying on my couch last night, holding onto Byron for dear life.
Fun times, sure...but at what cost?
Unlike me, Byron will never experience this. It's like re-living a period in your life when you know that you were truly happy. When everyone you loved was within a 1 mile radius from you, when you laughed so hard that your stomach muscles actually cramped, when you always knew the right thing to say and even when you didn't, people believed you anway...
Not that being here with Byron or living on my own sucks or anything, but it's just a different kind of happiness. It sucks when you know that you have to close that chapter in your life and move on to bigger and better things. But for some people, it's there and accessible...you experience different things and you experience them together. I'm not that fortunate. I depend on blogs to update me on people that I used to see everyday. I see them for one weekend a year and on special occassions. How do you keep the people who meant so much for 4 years close to you like you never left?
Lately, I've been feeling really lonely. It doesn't help that I'm even further away from my family. I just want to know that this will get easier...
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
I can't fucking believe that it's October already...I'm still living in June!
The weather is getting colder and it's gonna start to rain soon...and that means it's going to be buys at work. I swear...if I've learned ANYTHING over the past 4 months at my job, I've learned that PEOPLE CAN'T FUCKING DRIVE. Geez...how the hell did you get your license people? Ugh...and the people who drive the expensive cars are big time turds too. They hella swear the world revolves around them. The last time I checked the world revolves around the sun and I'm pretty sure that the sun doesn't own a car or have a license for that matter.
Byron and I are getting fat and every so often, his parents are not afraid to point it out. I think back to when I was still in college and how I lost a lot of weight the summer before senior year. It was easy because I hardly ate (you need money to do that!) and I was single. I had a reason to look good...and now that I've landed me a man for the rest of my life...my appearance just isn't as important. But, we're trying...I've been bad and stopped going to the gym. I need to get my motivation to go back again...maybe next week. I need to be more hardcore about this weight loss thing. I know that the holidays are just around the corner...so I gotta do SOMETHING. It would help if my roomie would portion his food too. But I've noticed that I don't snack during the day. I should stop drinking soda and eating candy...ugh, I need to find a new comfort.
This is a rambling post. It's Tuesday night and Byron won't be home for another 4 hours. I get bored easily. I hope I don't snack to pass the time. I've been really tired lately and moody. Maybe I'm pregnant...ha.
The weather is getting colder and it's gonna start to rain soon...and that means it's going to be buys at work. I swear...if I've learned ANYTHING over the past 4 months at my job, I've learned that PEOPLE CAN'T FUCKING DRIVE. Geez...how the hell did you get your license people? Ugh...and the people who drive the expensive cars are big time turds too. They hella swear the world revolves around them. The last time I checked the world revolves around the sun and I'm pretty sure that the sun doesn't own a car or have a license for that matter.
Byron and I are getting fat and every so often, his parents are not afraid to point it out. I think back to when I was still in college and how I lost a lot of weight the summer before senior year. It was easy because I hardly ate (you need money to do that!) and I was single. I had a reason to look good...and now that I've landed me a man for the rest of my life...my appearance just isn't as important. But, we're trying...I've been bad and stopped going to the gym. I need to get my motivation to go back again...maybe next week. I need to be more hardcore about this weight loss thing. I know that the holidays are just around the corner...so I gotta do SOMETHING. It would help if my roomie would portion his food too. But I've noticed that I don't snack during the day. I should stop drinking soda and eating candy...ugh, I need to find a new comfort.
This is a rambling post. It's Tuesday night and Byron won't be home for another 4 hours. I get bored easily. I hope I don't snack to pass the time. I've been really tired lately and moody. Maybe I'm pregnant...ha.
Thursday, September 30, 2004
Haven't updated in a long while...
Nothing really new. I had a job interview with University of Phoenix...didn't get the job though, but that's okay. Some things just weren't meant to be...
But...Byron was approved for an Equity line of credit against the house...so that means we'll be getting some stuff paid off and...planning a wedding! We've decided that we're getting married here because I've never had a big celebration for myself. No cotillion...no grad party...so call it self-centered, but shoot...my wedding's gonna be a big event.
I just need to wait for Byron to offically propose...and then the planning will begin!
Nothing really new. I had a job interview with University of Phoenix...didn't get the job though, but that's okay. Some things just weren't meant to be...
But...Byron was approved for an Equity line of credit against the house...so that means we'll be getting some stuff paid off and...planning a wedding! We've decided that we're getting married here because I've never had a big celebration for myself. No cotillion...no grad party...so call it self-centered, but shoot...my wedding's gonna be a big event.
I just need to wait for Byron to offically propose...and then the planning will begin!
Saturday, September 11, 2004
I came home from work last night to a husky man sleeping in my bed, complaining about the heat in the room and that he didn’t feel good because of something he ate. After a shower and a short nap, I tried numerous times to wake this man up but with no success.
My “little sister” calls me up and saves me from the boredom. We talk about everything from paying bills to sex and spend almost 2 hours on the phone. After realizing the time and the fact that I would have to work the next day, we part ways on the phone and I go back up stairs to the husky man.
In the morning, he states, “You never tried to wake me up yesterday!”
*rolls eyes * right…
My “little sister” calls me up and saves me from the boredom. We talk about everything from paying bills to sex and spend almost 2 hours on the phone. After realizing the time and the fact that I would have to work the next day, we part ways on the phone and I go back up stairs to the husky man.
In the morning, he states, “You never tried to wake me up yesterday!”
*rolls eyes * right…
Friday, September 10, 2004
Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Time does fly when you're monogamous...(thanks Miah)
I can't believe it's been 2 years and we've been living with each other for 1 year.
It's Tuesday...and Byron has a softball game at 9:15pm. That means that I'm going to be by myself tonight. *sigh* It's cool for like the first couple of hours, then I just get bored and lonely. You know what else bugs too? My family makes a big deal about me not visiting them as often, but when I ask them to come visit me it's like pulling teeth.
Argh...I'm hungry. Time to eat dinner.
I can't believe it's been 2 years and we've been living with each other for 1 year.
It's Tuesday...and Byron has a softball game at 9:15pm. That means that I'm going to be by myself tonight. *sigh* It's cool for like the first couple of hours, then I just get bored and lonely. You know what else bugs too? My family makes a big deal about me not visiting them as often, but when I ask them to come visit me it's like pulling teeth.
Argh...I'm hungry. Time to eat dinner.
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I have no real plans for my birthday, other than Byron taking me to watch "Lion King" in the city...yay! We were supposed to go to Seattle, but that kind of panned out with certain circumstances in our lives (ie no money). It's all good though...we have those 3 days off, so we'll just spend that time with each other.
I think about how lucky I am to have Byron. I actually think about it alot. At the risk of sounding mushy, I have to say this is the best relationship I've been in. I always wondered what it would be like to be with this guy that I was going to marry and I have to say, it has not been bad at all. I feel taken care of and I do feel special (despite what I say once a month) which is something that I've been looking for. After a year of living together and adjusting to someone's idiosyncracies, I still love him...I still want to be with him...and I can't imagine my life without him. I always knew that it was work to maintain a healthy and loving relationship...I just never knew it would be this easy. Whoa...this is what an adult relationship feels like. I love it!
I think about how lucky I am to have Byron. I actually think about it alot. At the risk of sounding mushy, I have to say this is the best relationship I've been in. I always wondered what it would be like to be with this guy that I was going to marry and I have to say, it has not been bad at all. I feel taken care of and I do feel special (despite what I say once a month) which is something that I've been looking for. After a year of living together and adjusting to someone's idiosyncracies, I still love him...I still want to be with him...and I can't imagine my life without him. I always knew that it was work to maintain a healthy and loving relationship...I just never knew it would be this easy. Whoa...this is what an adult relationship feels like. I love it!
Monday, August 30, 2004
I think that I've gotten pretty good at admitting I'm wrong...especially since until recently, I believed I was right about EVERYTHING...but after my monthly spaz-attack, Byron brought up a pretty good point:
"Don't ask what I used to do with whoever because it doesn't matter and you're just going to end up like this (i.e. crying like a lil bitch)."
So true. My response? He's right
Which brings me to my point...what makes us more human than wanting to know how, why and what makes us better than anyone that came before us? Damn it...why the hell do I care? I really don't. He doesn't mention anything about his past unless I bring it up, jokingly or not, and he's obviously more focused on the present/future than I am. It's just insecurity on my part, but how do I work through this? This is stupid high school/college shit. Geez Dawn...you're damn near 25 years old...we're living together, getting married (summer 2005), having kids (I'll keep you posted)...I'm stupid. I'm acting immature. I need to get over myself and stop tormenting the love of my life.
I hate it when I'm wrong...but I'm glad that I have someone that isn't afraid to let me know.
"Don't ask what I used to do with whoever because it doesn't matter and you're just going to end up like this (i.e. crying like a lil bitch)."
So true. My response? He's right
Which brings me to my point...what makes us more human than wanting to know how, why and what makes us better than anyone that came before us? Damn it...why the hell do I care? I really don't. He doesn't mention anything about his past unless I bring it up, jokingly or not, and he's obviously more focused on the present/future than I am. It's just insecurity on my part, but how do I work through this? This is stupid high school/college shit. Geez Dawn...you're damn near 25 years old...we're living together, getting married (summer 2005), having kids (I'll keep you posted)...I'm stupid. I'm acting immature. I need to get over myself and stop tormenting the love of my life.
I hate it when I'm wrong...but I'm glad that I have someone that isn't afraid to let me know.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
When you live with someone, it's very easy to take them for granted (whether intentional or not). It is also very easy to turn off your ears, especially when they say stuff that you really don't want to hear. I, for one, have always had some trouble with this...I get so darn defensive about shit I don't want to hear...and it ends up with me not listening and stewing in my anger.
Lately, I've been feeling very alone. I don't really see my friends as often as I like. My co-workers are cool, but damn, I see them 8 hours a day, 5 days a week...anymore than that and I just may go crazy. It's like pulling teeth to get my family to come out and see me (actually, anyone I know for that matter). So, all I have is Byron and I can't be all up in his grill all the time...he needs his space too. I hang out with Byron's friends a lot, but we all know my issue with that. I have become an island...
I understand that after college, life gets in the way. When I do see my friends or Byron's friends, it's always good times. Byron is very good to me and is always there when I need him. It's mostly my family right now that I'm having a hard time dealing with. They make all these plans and don't let me know about it. I invite them over and they don't come, so it hurts.
Byron actually brought up a very good point last night to me and I have to say, it was the most intelligent analysis of my current situation I have ever heard from him. Usually it's just "I don't know" or "What do you think you should do?" Basically, my family is going through some trying times right now. At this point, there are 9 people living at that house. My bro-in-law isn't making as much money as he used to. My sister is stressed out about the kids and money. My mom is crazy. My dad is losing his job in 1 month. My brother can't find a job because of his DUI. Byron kinda laid this all out for me and said that from an outsider's perspective, they're all going through a lot right now and that I shouldn't take it so personally. They've got other shit to think about and it's up to me if I want to bitch and complain or help them through it.
It made me feel so much better...especially since I actually had my ears turned on.
Lately, I've been feeling very alone. I don't really see my friends as often as I like. My co-workers are cool, but damn, I see them 8 hours a day, 5 days a week...anymore than that and I just may go crazy. It's like pulling teeth to get my family to come out and see me (actually, anyone I know for that matter). So, all I have is Byron and I can't be all up in his grill all the time...he needs his space too. I hang out with Byron's friends a lot, but we all know my issue with that. I have become an island...
I understand that after college, life gets in the way. When I do see my friends or Byron's friends, it's always good times. Byron is very good to me and is always there when I need him. It's mostly my family right now that I'm having a hard time dealing with. They make all these plans and don't let me know about it. I invite them over and they don't come, so it hurts.
Byron actually brought up a very good point last night to me and I have to say, it was the most intelligent analysis of my current situation I have ever heard from him. Usually it's just "I don't know" or "What do you think you should do?" Basically, my family is going through some trying times right now. At this point, there are 9 people living at that house. My bro-in-law isn't making as much money as he used to. My sister is stressed out about the kids and money. My mom is crazy. My dad is losing his job in 1 month. My brother can't find a job because of his DUI. Byron kinda laid this all out for me and said that from an outsider's perspective, they're all going through a lot right now and that I shouldn't take it so personally. They've got other shit to think about and it's up to me if I want to bitch and complain or help them through it.
It made me feel so much better...especially since I actually had my ears turned on.
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