I'm beginning to think that I should actually have a life outside of my home...outside of just me & Byron because it could potentially ruin everything that I've worked so hard for. I dunno...I feel like a good portion of the time I'm trippin' over nothing and I honestly don't know why. I feel like I'm in HIGH SCHOOL because I have that same insecurity that I did back then and you would think that after 4 1/2 years of college and 2 in the real world would have snapped me out of it...but no...shit's still there.

It prolly stems from the fact that I've always felt so insignificant to EVERYONE especially my family, like nothing I'd do would really matter or just be overlooked in some way...but if I did something really terrible THEN it would turn some heads. I've been feeding off of negative attention for most of my life and lived by that "it feels so good to be so bad" mantra.

I hate this. I hate this about myself. I can't just let it go and move on. I have to take everything so personally and shit. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm a grown-ass woman and still able to throw little temper tantrums like a little bitch. I'm so disgusted with myself that it's not even funny.

SHIT. Maybe it'll look better tomorrow...