I absolutely despise certain white people. Whatever, man. Call me a racist if you want, but I have no respect or tolerance for those white people who feel that they have established an "alternative" way to raise their children. These same people allow their 3-year-old to make a decision...if you ask them if they want to take a picture, they're gonna say no...they also do not how to properly give a time-out...just ignore them people...and they allow their children to run a muck and destroy other epole's property. What kind of child-rearing is that?

Some people just shouldn't be parents...

"Wasn't it you who spoke the words that things would happen, but not for me. All things were gonna happen naturally. Oh, taking your advice and I'm looking on the bright side and balancing the whole thing. But often times those words, get tangled up in the lines and the bright light turns to night..."

*Sigh* When is it gonna happen for me...

Anxiety has become a familiar feeling to me. That sucks. But on the bright side...my ad went on Craiglist today and hopefully I will have a sleu of applicants pouring in. Maybe in 2 weeks I'll have a full staff along with an MIT.

Babe's so cute...he wanted to make adobo tonight but decided on tomorrow instead. I told him that I would be home and could make it for him and he said, "No. I want to make it myself." He kinda messed up the last time, so he was asking me in the car if we had all the ingredients. I also reminded him that he needed equal parts of soy & vinegar, you know, just to make sure he's successful this time around. Aw...what a sweetie.

I love you. Thanks for putting up with me.

It's not about YOU, it's about ME.

It's like the kettle calling the pot black...

Sad, ain't it?

Me: Lisa's quitting. Her last day is the 27th.
Babe: Aw...for real?
Me: Yeah. Dude, I feel like my right arm's been ripped off.
Babe: What? What happened? Did you hurt yourself? Is it like stinging or something?
Me: No! It's like a metaphor!
Babe: Ohh...I get it.

Don't laugh. My boss said the same shit too. But it is sad because I love Lisa so much and I've become so accustomed to seeing her everyday (she's my manager-in-training). I don't want her to become one of those friends that I lose contact with...but that's up to me right?

So...if you know anyone that's looking to go in management...HOLLA!

People in Dublin are so snobby. Especially the older women, you know, the grandmothers that come in buying all sorts of baby items for their grandchildren knowing full well that the child will not be small long enough to use all the items. It's those same women that tend to look down on me, making me feel like anyone can do my job and as they turn their noses up and look away, their grandchild gives me the hugest smile that only I could get out of them. And it's those same women, who drool over each picture and thank me endlessly for perfectly catching a "moment." Those women look forward to our next visit and I can only hope that they feel like shit for the way they treated me when they first walked in.

And all I can do is smile.

I suck because I'm fucking working on my day off.

No matter though...I'm getting off early on Saturday! We'll actually make it to a baby shower on time...yay!

"You and I both loved...
What you and I spoke of...
And others just read of...
And if you could see me now...
Well...I'm already finally out of words."

Must. survive. 2. more. hours. of. work.

And this is how I spent my Valentine's Day.

I had a good conversation yesterday. It was probably the most Byron has opened up and said to me in a long time. I feel good and I didn't really cringe while he was talking about his exes (well, ex). I guess it's true that some people can't stay friends or be friends with their exes. But for me, there are just some people I can't see not in my life, regardless of the evolution of our relationship.

Go figure :P

Is it so fucking hard to do something for someone else without caring about if it'll fuckin' benefit them or not? I am impatient because I just don't have the energy to be patient anymore.

I have needs too...DAMN IT!

I've been away from home too long. Instead of going home like everyone else did after the District Meetings, guess where I am...that's right...work. Although I do have to say that my motivation has come back slightly. I can't make my life go the way I want it to, so I'm just gonna sit back and let it all unfold the way it's supposed to. I'm tired of being stressed out for no reason, tired of being depressed over shit I can't control, and tired of just being a little bitch all together. There's so much more to life then this...and I'm just gonna live it.

Now...if only time could move faster so I can see my Byron.

"Today you may find yourself wondering about some questions, DAWN, but it will be hard to put them into words. You're concerned about your emotional security, as it is not very well defined in your life at the moment. However, it will probably be impossible to resolve anything completely today. Wait a few days. Your feelings will be a lot clearer, and the answers to your questions will be all the more obvious to you."

compliments of Astrocenter.com

I don't know what irritates me more...
People that don't listen...or people that make it excruciatingly obvious that they aren't listening.

On a different note, I will be spending 2 nights away from my bed partner. *Sigh* I miss him already.

I don't know if I could do the long distance relationship thing again. It was hard on me the first time (leading to its subsequent break-up) and difficult the second time (I cheated, damn). It's not even an option anymore...and I hardly think a job is worth all that trouble. I mean the opportunity is there and pretty much guaranteed, but something in my gut and my heart is telling me that it's just not worth it.

Even though I'm unhappy at work, I'm happy at home. As much as I'd love both, moving away could lead me to be unhappy with everything.

And the job search continues...

Here I am at a crossroads again. I feel like I'm never truly satisfied with what I have. I feel like I've been applying everywhere and haven't heard anything. It's hard to be positive when nothing positive has really happened. I wish that I had one of those Magic 8 balls to tell me that everything will be O.K. and that I shouldn't be stressing over what I can't control.

It's funny how I depend on something and/or someone else to validate my feelings when I can totally do it on my own.

Here I am at work again...closing for the 2nd time this week. I have this eerie feeling that I may be by myself tomorrow...I hate that feeling. Ugh. I try to keep a positive outlook on life, hoping that someday something will fall into my lap. Did you ever wish that you had a crystal ball that could look into the future so you could see if things would go you're way or not? I wish I did right now. ugh...

The last hour of work always drags...damn.

15 more minutes and I get to clean up. This night seemed like it dragged on forever...I hate closing sometimes because a minute feels like an hour and and hour feels like an eternity. I've lost alot of motivation here. Sad. I should be getting pulls or calling birthday club, but no...I'm blogging away and filling out job applications. Tomorrow, I'm going to Pleasanton to drop it off and hopefully be able to speak to whoever is doing the hiring. Sounds like an interesting position...I've always had an interest in HR...and it would be for a college district. Sounds very appealing...I think that I would do well. I'm perfectly qualified. Kiddie Kandids and Seneca Center has taught me how to deal with stressful situations and come out cool as a cucumber.

Damn, will the time ever go faster? Back to the applications...

How fucking boring and lame is my life right now? I'm sitting here at work, it's 2:35 pm and no one wants to take a picture. What the hell is wrong with you people? It's just a free 8x10. Thank god I told Lisa to go out marketing. I'm just not in the mood to be bitched out by my boss, not that she would really...she likes me too much. Sometimes it's a good thing, but I'm beginning to think that it's not. I should be doing some kind of work...but no...I'm lazy.

Is it bad that I don't do much at work or at least I don't feel like I do?

In the words of Miah...BLAH.

Do you ever not feel like yourself and kinda wish that you were in someone else's skin, even just for a while? I feel like I've been like that for at least a week now and I don't really know what to do. It's affecting my life and my relationship...I'm way too hard on Byron and I just need to let up. I'm so unhappy with my job right now and I take it out on him. I really wish I had something else that would take my mind off it, but then my cell phone rings and guess who the fuck it is...that's right...work.

Revelations come in strange forms. Yesterday, one of my associates was about to call out and I just flat out said, "I can't stay after 5, so you either need to be here or somebody else does." I just couldn't take it anymore. A job shouldn't impede on your life. A career maybe, but not a fucking job. Which is what Kiddie Kandids is for me right now. I'm scared that I'll just get trapped. I just want to be happy and proud of what I do. There ain't no fucking prestige in being a manager. You're just the person they bitch at if your associates fuck up. I want my life to turn around now and if I talk to anyone about this they'll tell me to be patient. Fuck. I have a hard ass time being fucking patient. I just want it to happen for me.

I envy Byron because even though he has to sit in traffic for 2-3 hours, he still is so happy to wake up in the morning. Even though it's just work, he looks forward to it. I hella want that. He's so lucky that he found that, but he always tells me, "It'll happen for you too, just wait. In the mean time, keep looking." He's right. It will happen for me, I just wish it would happen soon.