Do you ever not feel like yourself and kinda wish that you were in someone else's skin, even just for a while? I feel like I've been like that for at least a week now and I don't really know what to do. It's affecting my life and my relationship...I'm way too hard on Byron and I just need to let up. I'm so unhappy with my job right now and I take it out on him. I really wish I had something else that would take my mind off it, but then my cell phone rings and guess who the fuck it is...that's right...work.

Revelations come in strange forms. Yesterday, one of my associates was about to call out and I just flat out said, "I can't stay after 5, so you either need to be here or somebody else does." I just couldn't take it anymore. A job shouldn't impede on your life. A career maybe, but not a fucking job. Which is what Kiddie Kandids is for me right now. I'm scared that I'll just get trapped. I just want to be happy and proud of what I do. There ain't no fucking prestige in being a manager. You're just the person they bitch at if your associates fuck up. I want my life to turn around now and if I talk to anyone about this they'll tell me to be patient. Fuck. I have a hard ass time being fucking patient. I just want it to happen for me.

I envy Byron because even though he has to sit in traffic for 2-3 hours, he still is so happy to wake up in the morning. Even though it's just work, he looks forward to it. I hella want that. He's so lucky that he found that, but he always tells me, "It'll happen for you too, just wait. In the mean time, keep looking." He's right. It will happen for me, I just wish it would happen soon.