*hee hee* I'm soooo excited!

I don't even really give a fuck that my one of my associates is gonna be late!

"I'm up out this bitch!"

-Me to one of the BRU managers as I was checking out

I'm sad.

I'm sad because I talked to my lil sis Margarita...and I truly realized how much I miss her to the point where it actually hurts. Some people just don't know how lucky they are to see their college friends on the regular and bullshit with them whenever they please. Damn, I remember when I used to be able to do that, but now it requires so much planning to just even see them for a few days (like when Miah came to see me LAST MAY). Shit. I suppose that was the down side of me moving away from home to go to school, but the memories will last a lifetime...

At least I can say, "Hey, remember when..." or "Dood we did some stupid ass-shit when..." I cherish my memories as much as my true friends, but in a time where I don't see my friends as much as I'd like...

*sigh* The memories will just have to do.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that my thoughts can potentially kill me if I'm not careful. ACK...I better than that. I come up with the most stupid shit sometimes and in addition to that I become WAY insecure. I think that I've gotten a handle on not taking stuff personally, but when it rains it pours.

Do you ever feel like your being watched...or like someone's keeping tabs on you? I dunno man...people are prolly reading my shit, but then again maybe not.

There are a few people that you cross paths with who makes you feel so much better for having known them. For me, that's my MIT Liz. I love this girl, I swear she's just like a skinny white version of me. Just knowing her for the past 3 weeks has made me a better person. I've always been afraid of letting people down, putting their needs before mine and just thinking of others beside myself. Liz has taught me that it's more than just okay to put yourself first, it's something you have to do.

With that, I pray that it all goes well for me tomorrow. I would like the opportunity to start the life that I want to have: M-F, 9-5 job, marriage, & kids...

I can't wait 'til I can have sex again...sheesh 24 more hours.

When you were little, possibly 1st or 2nd grade, you said, "When I grow up, I wanna be __________." Here I am, 24 years old and I still can't fill in the blank. I know that there are alot of things that I like to do, but no real desire to work towards something. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that hasn't got a clue of where I envision myself. Right now, all I'm sure of is that I want a Monday to Friday, 9 to 5 job. Retail hours fucking suck. Props to those who can do it, but I just can't anymore. About the only thing besides my family that I know is going to be there for the long haul is Byron. I'm going to marry this man and have babies with him. Maybe that's all I really wanted for myself...to be loved and to give that same love right back.

"For once in my life, I have someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I'll be strong

For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Someone warm like you
Would make my dreams come true

For once in my life, I won't let sorrow hurt me
Not like it's hurt me before
For once, I have something I know won't desert me
I'm not alone anymore

For once, I can say, this is mine, you can't take it
As long as I know I have love, I can make it
For once in my life, i have someone who needs me"

-Stevie Wonder, For Once In My Life

I gotta lose some weight...even Byron's parents said something today :(

I went to church on Good Friday and Easter Sunday only to realize that I really should start going again. I think that I'm at a place in my life where I'm ready for my faith again. I just need the right kind of parish/church and I think that we found it today. When I was little, I did the whole "Raise a Catholic Child" thing - baptism, confession, communion, youth ministry, confirmation - which led to me never going through college (not even on the major Christian holidays). I knew too much about Catholicism and the real world. I just didn't fit in anymore. I think that the best way to sum it up was a line from Dogma: "Faith is like a glass. When you're small, the glass is small and it doesn't take much to fill it. As you get older, the glass gets bigger and it takes a bit more to fill." I'm not saying that I completely agree with all aspects of Catholicism, but if it taught me anything important, it was how to have faith.

I've always been envious of those whose faith is so strong and unfettered. I longed for that, but didn't know how to get there. Looking back on it all, it was just a matter of time. And the time is now.

I need this all to some how end up the way that I want it to.

Dawn Marie Ramirez Soria

The first name of Dawn leads you to assume considerable responsibility and to prefer to work independently, without direction or interference from others because you have very definite ideas of your own. Your mind is quick to comprehend and you can be depended upon to do any job well. Because you tend to be somewhat of a perfectionist, you might insist on doing too many things yourself instead of delegating jobs to others who might do less satisfactory work. This name does make you quite direct and straight-to-the-point.

Your name of Marie has created a practical, responsible, stable nature, and you desire to direct the efforts of others rather than to take order or ask permission. You have a determined, self-reliant, capable nature and resent any interference, although in your desire to help you are inclined to become involved in the lives and decisions of other people. You like to make your own decisions and to be the master of your domain. You feel a limitation in your own expression when it is necessary to reach another through tact and understanding.

Your name of Ramirez makes you very idealistic and generous, with the strong desire to uplift humanity leading you into situations where you can express your desire to serve others. You want to assume responsibilities and to look after people; however, you can become too involved in other people's problems and tend to worry. Your name gives you a natural desire to express along artistic and musical lines. You desire a settled home and family life, and are expressive and attentive to your loved ones.

Your name of Soria has created a deep, sensitive, refined nature with an intelligent mind. As you are particularly clever along business lines, and have mathematical ability and a keen appreciation of material values, you are inclined towards the business world. You would do well in a managerial position, as you have executive ability and a poised manner able to take charge and see that procedures are followed. You appreciate the finer things of life and look for quality in your material possessions. Your sensitivity and rather reserved manner make it very difficult for people really to know you.

Cool man. What does your name mean?

I'm full from lunch with Mr. Rentar and all I wanna do is sleep. Man, only 2 more hours then I get to go home...woohoo! I'm still waiting to hear back from UOP and I have an interview with US Bank on Tuesday. Yay. I get to drive up to Sac.

I was kinda surprised that Ron wanted to have lunch today, but then again I'm not. After all, I am his youngest daughter's ninang. Geez, kids grow up so fast. I look at Taryn and I still remember the day she was born. She was so tiny. She's still pretty petite, but that girl can talk your ear off if you let her. It's funny how time flies...