too many thoughts, not enough brain

this week is the last full week i'll be spending at home with Hannah on maternity leave :( i'm having quite a bit of anxiety about it and trying to take it day-by-day as suggested to me by my loving husband. not that going back to work will be horrible or anything (i LOVE my coworkers and boss) other than coming back to the tip of the iceberg known as "holiday season." maybe i'm dreading going back because i had hoped and prayed for her for so long and don't want to leave her...or because i just don't like the idea of working...or all those pregnancy hormones haven't quite exited my body. whatever the reason, it blows. my income is greatly needed, so i have no choice but to be a working mom.

i'm also going back and forth on stopping breastfeeding...mostly for selfish reasons, but then again i hear that some moms continue to breastfeed until their child can physically lift up their shirt and help themselves, which i believe to be selfish as well as there are other less controversial ways of bonding with your 7 year old child. today, i'm okay with continuing...but ask me a few weeks ago when i basically had her attached to my nipple and i was definitely singing another tune LOL