This blogging thing has become instant therapy for me because (a) I can vent all I want without interruption and (b) I can go back and read my entries and figure out shit on my own. On my own...I feel like that's where I am for the most part. I don't like to consider myself a loner, but sometimes I feel like no one understands me. I just want to be heard and spoiled like hell. I'm tired of being that person that always gives in, that person that feels awful if I do something that would even be considered remotely selfish, that person whose patience is endless for the most part but as soon as it wears people notice and aren't afraid to point it out.

I wish I knew why I was like this. I wish I didn't feel like crying every night. I wish that Byron would realize that I'm not always trying to start a fight and to stop taking things so damn personally. I'm not trying to piss you off, I'm doing something that I was never able to do before I met you...

...I finally trust someone enough to tell them how I truly feel. I don't want to tiptoe around any issue because avoiding a fight isn't going to make anything go away.

I don't fucking know. I have no clue how to fix this. What happens when someone runs out of patience for you? Is it because you're testing them? Like...how much do you truly love me? What the hell man...I should just stop.

Easier said than done.