Every month I go through the same thing...and every month I'm depressed over something I want but can't have. Just because I'm understanding about it doesn't mean that I'm not entitled to have my on feelings about it. I'm starting to feel like there's no plan. There's nothing to look forward to in the future y'all, so let's just sit our asses back down and staring longingly at the past because that's what the focus is.

Or am I being unfair because I've lived away from the watchful eye of my parents? That I actually know what it feels like to live and budget on my own or *gasp* only pay the minimum balance on my credit cards? That I did a majority of my growing and found myself in sunny Santa Barbara? I'm just so fixated on this life I've idealized for myself...when I was done with school, where my "permanent address" isn't my parent's house anymore, when I found a job that didn't make me go crazy...all of this would somehow culminate into this marriage and family I've wanted so badly. I'm realizing that right now, I'm the only one that truly wants this and is ready for it RIGHT NOW.

It's so much easier to see it through the looking glass, but it sucks when you're looking at it alone.