I hate waiting.

Waiting sucks. What the point of telling someone what you want if they're not gonna remember it in an hour and a half anyway? I mean, what the fuck is that shit? Why can't shit run on my time schedule? Why can't shit happen when I want it to? When do I get to be queen, when everything I say happens within the next 20 seconds and I don't have to wait for anything?

I hate waiting.

Remember how back in the day, when you were like in junior high, how concentrated you were about events that were just out of your control (i.e. wanting to know if the boy/girl you liked was into you or if your current "relationship" would work out) and would do just about anything to see into the future? I know I did. I used to be way into that astrology shit, seeing if my sign/his sign matched and religiously read my horoscope every day. I've learn over the past couple of years that it's all a bunch of bullshit (sidebar: although the people that DO believe in that stuff, far be it from me to knock your belief system), yet I still manage to have my horscope sent to me everyday via email. Usually, it's just amusing to me and I like the fact that I get email everyday (I'm a loser). But my horoscope for today scared the fucking shit out of me because it was fucking DEAD ON.

"Today you might decide to sequester yourself within the home, catching your breath, getting your thoughts together, and recalling the events of the past several days. You'll also find yourself thinking of plans for the future, DAWN, as you're feeling especially optimistic now and energetic enough to pursue whatever goals you may have. At some point you're likely to share this with a close friend and seek their support and opinions."

I had a long day at work today and all I could think about was chillin' at home and seeing my boyfriend. I recently started my job and have been learning so much, so alot of my thoughts revert back to work. I just had a long conversation with my good friend Phillip who I've known forever and I totally respect his opinions and thoughts. We were talking about how he wants to get married and how I'm going to look at houses with Byron and his parents tomorrow morning.

Coincidence? I hope so. If not, God help us all.

My STD:
(Shit To Do)

Number 1: Think of ways to market for work
In my old job, it was bad to take your work home with you. I have yet to learn the same rings true for this one.

Number 2: Thoroughly plan my sister's baby shower
I can't begin to tell you how difficult it is to plan a shower for someone with major control issues.

Number 3: Pay of Citibank credit cards
Job = $$$ going to bills

Number 4: Buy a new bed and furniture for my room
I was thinking before that maybe this would be a bad idea, but now...not so much.

Number 5: Hang out with Cheryll and Jenn
I'm surprised that they still want to hang out with me even though I've been incredibly flaky...since I've moved back.

Number 6: Buy a generic remote for my TV
Sometimes it's nice to be able to change the channels from the comfort of your bed.

Number 7: Do something nice for Byron
He is very spoiled.

Number 8: Plan a trip to SD to see my gay boyfriend or somehow get him to come up here
I miss you Miah!

Victoria Secret Online + Employed Dawn = lots and lots of panties and bras

YAY!

My feet HELLA hurt.
Why you ask? I'll tell you...

I started my new job today! I already have a business trip to Reno next week!

I'm excited because this is so different than what I used to do, but at the same time I can't help but feel overwhelmed. I mean, in a matter of months I'll be running my own store. Scary. But I'm the shiznit (or at least I act like I am) so I should be okay.

Thanks Byron for being so supportive even though I know you don't like the fact that I'll be working Saturdays and will be going to Reno next week. I love you baby!

Crazy.

I got a phone call today at approximately 6:30 AM this morning. I have been offered that position that I interviewed for last week.

YIPPEE!

Now I can live the glamorous life...

Suddenly...I'm overcome with the feeling of crawling into my bed, throwing the covers over my head, and not coming out for a really long time.

Period, you suck.

No call. Poor Dawn.

MUST. GET. OUT. OF. THIS. HOUSE.

I can't take it anymore...I really need to not live here. It's not that I don't love my parents and my grandmothers (well, one grandmother and one great aunt), but shit...I'm like the youngest one that lives here and I'm only trully sane when my brother is home and that's only for the weekend. I have so many things to think about and today especially I'm on edge...I've had 2 interviews for one job and they're supposed to be calling TODAY if I got the job. I don't know what time...but it is TODAY. I hate this feeling of uncertainty and the fact that I know what I'm up against (I had a group interview with the other 2 candidates yesterday). I don't mean to "toot" my own horn...but TOOT TOOT! For real...I know that if I do get rejected, I should get back on my horse like I always do. But sometimes, it's hard you know? You can only take so much rejection and still come out with a smile. Some people just aren't built like that and as much as I'd like to think that I am...sometimes I'm not.

I think she may call after 10AM. Check back here for any updates.

LOVE. What is it? It's the mystery of the ages...an enigma that has plagued mankind since the beginning of time. So many people devote their time and energy in finding this LOVE, this unconditional emotion that is the stuff dreams are made of.

I know these people, these LOVE hunters, but more often than not, they're shooting blanks...can't distinguish between actual LOVE and being in LOVE with the idea of LOVE. Then there are the LOVE cynics, who think that LOVE is so overrated or overused. These people used to be hopeless romantics, but a rock must have shattered their glass hearts, and all the heartware store had left was stone to replace it. I think I lie somewhere between these hunters and cynics because while I can be a hopeless romantic, I'm still on-guard about who I let into my heart.

I'm in LOVE. How am I sure? Because regardless of little spats, sweet kisses, bad moods, warm hugs, irrationality, quality time, snoring, sports watching, word mojo playing, orange eating, all the good and bad...

...just the thought of him makes me smile. And that's more than enough to get through the day.

Fortunately, I was able to remove that stick that was lodged within the confines of my large deiry-aire, or as Traci Morgan would put it, my "ku-dunk-a dunk." Lately, I've been more relaxed, which is a good thing considering that I was contemplating putting "thinking" as a hobby in my AOL profile.

I decided not to because I didn't want to appear like I had too much time on my hands.

After all, I do have an image to uphold.

I love going to SB...no matter how long the drive, how packed the weekend, or how much I know I'm going to miss it when I leave.

SATURDAY:
4:15 AM: Wake up ridiculously early, shower, pack and load up the Accord (the car I DIDN'T want to take).
5:00 AM: Call Mr. Evangelista to make sure that his ass is up.
5:30 AM: Pick up Agnes and Uncle Keith up, respectively.
6:20 AM: Arrive at Byron's house, load up his stuff.
6:30 AM: Starbucks for coffee, McDonald's for breakfast. Unfotunately, McDonald's doesn't open until 7:00 AM.
6:45 AM: Decide to hit up the McDonald's at the outlets in Gilroy since it will be 7 by the time we get there. Says "wouldn't it be moded if that McDonald's doesn't open until 8:00 AM." Rest of car agrees.
7:15 AM: Gilroy, Breakfast, car happy.
7:30 AM: Chop it up with Agnes, while Byron and Uncle Keith sleep.
9:30 AM: Byron asks to stop to use the bathroom, later reveals that he was holding it from 20 minutes after we left.
11:00 AM: Arrive in SB (yay!), check in, say hi to other band members...EXTREMELY TIRED.
11:15 AM: Yell at Jimbo on the phone...BITCH BITCH BITCH
11:30 AM: Advised to take nap.
11:45 AM: Took nap.
1:00 PM: Left for sound check at Earl Warren.
1:30 PM: Saw Rose (LB Chi Delt), talked for a while.
3:00 PM: Finally, went up for sound check. Good times.
4:00 PM: Back to the hotel after going to McDonald's for lunch, trying to get shit done before 6:00 PM call time.
6:00 PM: Showered, hair and make-up did, leave for Earl Warren.
6:30 PM: Arrive at Earl Warren. Say hello to everyone. Show supposed to start at 7:00 PM.
7:00 PM: Show has not started. Sitting in audience.
7:30 PM: Show starts. Great music, gay fashion show.
10:00 PM: Candy 4 Strangers rocks the stage.
11:30 PM: Show ends. One band doesn't get to perform because it ran over time (I wonder why). Decide in parking lot to hit up Zelo's since it's free before midnight.
11:59 PM: Up in the club (Zelo's). Byron, Agnes, Uncle Keith make a beeline for the bar. Designates self as designated driver.

SUNDAY:
1:00AM: Drunk boyfriend climbing on shit and hella talking, drunk Uncle buying more drinks, drunk brother smoking cigarettes, drunk friends being drunk. Dancing with my boyfriend.
2:00 AM: Jack in the Crack for late night, drunk munchies. Back to the hotel.
2:30 AM: Pass the fuck out.
9:00 AM: One word: GRINDIN'. Call front desk for late check out.
11:30 AM: Ben wakes us up, takes Uncle Keith back to the Bay with him.
1:00 PM: Check out. Hit up Urban Outfitters, Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, and Auntie Anne's.
2:30 PM: See Denny's place.
3:00 PM: On the road again.
4:00 PM: Splash. See Julie and Lauren. Eat fried oysters and french fries.
5:00 PM: Driving again. Listening to Rex Navarette (courtesy of Byron).
6:30 PM: Bathroom break.
8:00 PM: Byron's house. See the homies, oh wait, it's those homies.
9:00 PM: Back in UC.
10:00 PM: Back in San Jose.

I'm sleepy. Good night.

Wishful Thinking

it could happen
...that job I interviewed for yesterday
...for gas prices to go down, so it won't be so expensive to see Byron
...to see Miah because I miss him so very much (watching Will & Grace is just not the same)
...a chance to audition for some cool Broadway show
...a night of marathon sex (I'll make this shit happen)
...paid off debts (credit cards, loans, etc)
...get the HELL out of Union City (please GOD!)

I dunno if anyone ever noticed, but doesn't Mario (lil man that sings "Just a Friend") kind looks like Chris Rock?

Just a thought.

Being unemployed gives one ample time to think...almost to the point of near insanity. Yet, there are some days that are really good ones (such as today) because I actually had shit to do. It was great. I woke up before 8, got home at around 8:30 (teehee), had an interview at 12 (which btw, I think that went pretty darn well, but I'm not gonna get my hopes up), got my oil changed (for an SB trip this weekend...woohoo!), chopped it up a bit with a girl mechanic at Jiffy Lube (about my car, which I love), saw Byron for lunch (like watched him eat), and hung out with my sister. It's days like this that I truly needed, especially after the emotional turmoil I've been going through the past couple weeks, but when they're over...

I want more.

But the day's not over...still got practice with C4S and gonna see my man (aw yeah, baby).

SWEET.

Lent is a difficult time of year for me. You have to give up something, or sacrifice because the whole purpose of the Easter season is to remember what God sacrificed for us.

I was told that I should give up smoking because 1) I have been for the past month (well, buying packs anyway) and 2) its something that I should be doing anyway. Instead of being in agreement, I started yelling at him. Why you ask? Because I'm a fucking bitch. Because lately I've been incredibly irrational and I have no idea why. A suggestion was being made and I jumped down his throat so quickly without looking back. I said he was telling me what to do, but dammit, it's hard. It is so difficult because smoking is a fucking addiction.

I'm still pretty upset, mostly because I wasn't given the opportunity to say my thoughts about the whole thing. I thought about it, but why should I use Lent as an excuse to quit? Shouldn't I be wanting to do that anyway? It shouldn't matter that it's Lent right now, I SHOULD BE MAKING AN EFFORT TO QUIT NO MATTER WHAT TIME OF YEAR IT IS. With that said (which I suppose is what I wanted to say before interrupted), I guess the logical thing to give up would be smoking. I'm gonna take a short nap before colorguard and band practice.

mango is still chillin' in the fruit bowl.
don't worry, you'll soon be devoured.

yay! i have an interview tomorrow. hopefully it won't end up in a rejection letter like the other ones did. but i won't hold my breath.

Hey Love,
What a great 6 months its been and I can't seem to find enough words or ways to show you just how much you mean to me, or how much I love you. I think I'll be spending the rest of my life doing that, but I really don't mind. Maybe I should just rock your world like I always do. Happy 1/2 a year Anniversary...or 6 monthaversary (heehee).

It's ASH WEDNESDAY. What are you giving up for Lent?

i don't know how to cut a mango up.

i guess i'll eat this grapefruit instead.

According to dictionary.com...

narcisist n. a person with excessive love or admiration for oneself.

FUN FACT:

Byron has 21 pictures of himself alone in his room.

I don't think I need to say any more than that.

What a weekend.
Actually spent 24 hours away from Byron
Got to kick it old school.
Cool shirt for showcase, now need hat.
Possibility that JT ticket may be given away due to flakiness.
Dawn sucks for that.
People can't take jokes anymore.
Lots of drugs and alcohol, didn't touch any of it.
Practice, practice, then voice gives out.
Back to reality.