Got the keys, got the remote for the garage...

It's now official...I'm Byron's new roommate.

We had a very informal BBQ today, mostly to show off the house to our immediate family. I read something on Rose's Xanga today and it really stuck in my head. For those of you that have been religiously reading my blog, you know that I talk extensively about my relationship, how well it's going, where it's leading (marriage, kids, the whole sha-bang), etc. She put this excerpt about marriage and how love is just not enough and that there are 5 golden rules to relationships. I learned that "love just isn't enough" the hard way, yet I'm glad I learned that because it helped me to be more selective about who I enter relationships with. I am a hopeless romantic, but I know that there is more to life-long relationships than just love or sex (yeah, don't act like y'all don't know what I'm talkin' 'bout).

There's that mutual feeling of respect, sharing the same or similar values, being able to give and take, accepting the good with the bad...

...and there's nothing like them being the first thing you see in the morning and the last before you go to sleep.

It's funny how someone can say something that just sparks thoughts. My colleague's husband came to my work today and I asked him how he would feel if I sent my colleague over to Reno for a week. He said he would be sad and disappointed, but if it's for work she's gotta do what she's gotta do. It actually made my day because he's so supportive of her and her endeavours. I love it.

Then that got me thinking about my current situation. I'm proud to say that everything is going my way. I'm not so scared of what the future holds since shit happens, but I think that I'm prepared and calm enough to handle it. I'll have my brief moment of irrational, but can snap back out of it. I'm finally growing up and all that other shit is a thing of the past.

Don't worry babe. We'll get through this. But most importantly, we'll get through this together.

Yay! I'm officially a ninang. I am so privileged to be asked to be a part of someone's life like that. It's crazy since I've only been in Byron's friends lives for a little less than a year, but they feel close enough to me to ask me to be a godparent. When they asked me I thought I was gonna cry! But I guess that just goes to show you that you just don't know what kind of impact you have on someone's life until something like that happens...

It kinda makes me think about what other kind of impact I have on other people's lives. You ever get that feeling that you don't really feel like you're doing much, but in reality you are? I'm the type of person that has no idea how I must look to other people. I just go on thinking that I'm just like everyone else, trying to get by with what I do and believing that I'm no one truly spectacular. Then someone goes and makes me a ninang or tells me that I'm impressing the big wigs in my company or saying that they wouldn't mind woking for me if I was DM. I don't know if I should call it being humble or oblivious.

Or maybe I'm just the BOMB.

I think that I'm one of the few people that actually remembers their dreams. It's weird because more often than not, I wake up feeling like it was so vivid and that it actually happened.

Last night, I dreamt that Byron got my friend Rowena (who happens to be my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend, but that's another story for later) PREGNANT. It was like Byron and I were a month in our relationship and he told me that he had a baby on the way. It was so fucked up. I was crying so hard in the dream and I felt like someone just ripped my heart in half. In the dream, Byron was really excited about having a baby, but was trying to reassure me that Rowena meant nothing and that he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Of course in my dream I wasn't trying to hear it and being so incredibly irrational that finally I just blurted out, "I'm hurt because it's not me that's having your kid."

I hate dreams like that because I end up calling Byron as soon as I wake up just to tell him. I have this theory that if I talk about the dreams that I don't want to come true then they won't.

Go ahead. Call me crazy. I don't mind.

I love Tuesdays.

I love them because I work late and I get to sleep at Byron's house on Monday night. I love them because the next day is my day off. I love them because I get to sleep in. I love them because I don't have to deal with traffic on my way to work and back.

I hate Tuesdays.

I hate them because I have to work late. I hate them because I can't do anything afterwards because I'm so tired. I hate them because I rarely get to see my boyfriend after work. I hate them because I wake up from sleeping in, only to realize that I have to go to work.

damn.

I work at Kiddie Kandids located in the Babies R Us at Hacienda Crossings in Dublin. I pretty much see the same people everyday, day in, day out, and I tend to notice things.

There's this one Babies R Us associate that I think is really beautiful. I get kinda embarrassed because I catch myself staring at her. Not just looking, like when you glance at someone, but really staring. Sometimes, she looks in my direction and she just smiles at me. I didn't see her for a few days and I was kinda bummed. Does this make me...GAY?

No, it doesn't. I'll explain.

I've had few lesbian encounters. I've kissed girls. I've been put in a situation to have sex with a girl (2 of them actually). I was even propositioned by my high school best friend to be in a threesome with her and her then-boyfriend. I'm happy with who I am with now and honestly, I wouldn't want go out with a girl for 2 reasons: (1) girls are drama and (2) they have smaller hands than me.

I guess my point is that I'm pretty tired of labelling and profiling. I'm tired of people trying to fit a category or saying, "well, if your not, then what are you?" Both my college majors devoted so much time into figuring out why this is so. I'm just really over it.

Do you ever have those mornings, where even though you really aren't that tired anymore, you still want to stay in bed? Not in bed for depression, not in bed cuz you're trying to catch up on your sleep, but just because it's comfortable and you are wrapped warmly in your comforter. I had one of those mornings and it made me think about when I started sleeping over Byron's house.

It was normally on a Saturday night, I don't know why it happened to be that night regardless of the fact that this was when I had the entire weekend off. I loved waking up next to him as I still do now. But the difference is that we would actually just chill in bed, watch some football (since it was football season) and I wouldn't get home until about 2 or 3 just to shower/change and head back to his house again.

I still sleep there, sometimes more often than I used to (I think the most I've slept at his house was like 3 nights in a row), but our lives have picked up the pace a bit. Now he wakes me up because he has to leave for work, and when I'm there on a Sunday we usually have a schedule and long list of things to do. We get tired more easily and honestly, I think we just get tired of driving back and forth between San Jose and Union City. And it's not even about if it's worth driving the distance because it always is (at least for me anyway, but I'm sure it is for him too), it's just that suddenly I've reached a new place in my life where I don't go out like I used to and I really only muster up enough energy to see my boyfriend and end up sleeping there anyway.

Sometimes I feel like I'm 26 or 27, and I'm beginning to forget that I'm only 23.

Oh well, it's not like I ever knew how to act my age in the first place.

I made the mistake of eating ice cream before I go to sleep. For those of you that know me best, I tend to have some fucked up ass dreams when I eat before I go to sleep.

Kinda scared, y'all.