AHHH...it's nice to have the weekend off.

On Friday, I watched CSUH'S PCN. I really didn't want to because I really want nothing to do with Byron's college life (except for his Alum heads that I hang out with now) and I knew that his ex was a coordinator (I'm being such an adult right now...har har), I just feel really uncomfortable being the only person in his life now that wasn't apart of his life before. It's weird because we know so many of the same people (it's pretty inevitable being that I lived in Union City for 18 years) yet we only really met by chance...you know, if he hadn't been sitting in that audience that fateful August afternoon, who knows how our life could have ended up.

But I digress...I don't know why it bothers me so much. I remember when we first started going out I would look through his billions of albums. He said he was hesitant to show me a few of them because it had pictures of his ex in there and I told him as long as you don't point out who she is, it'll be fine . And of course, his dumbass pointed her out on the first picture. I shut the book. I think now "ignorance is bliss," I wish she didn't have a face to me, I wish that I didn't know that all the stuff he kept from that relationship is in our home, I wish I didn't know anything altogether, but I do realize his past makes him the person he is today and there are so many things to look forward to and dwelling on that shit, whether intentional or not, is just so unhealthy and so not the person I am.

I know that I purposely get him mad whenever we hang out with this college friends because I feel really uncomfortable, regardless of the fact that they have accepted me with open arms and made me feel like family. I don't want to do this anymore...*sigh* something else to work on.

Anyway, the PCN was alright. The acting was FABULOUS...dancing and storyline was okay. I like last year's better.

BYRON: "The pauses are too long between scenes."
ME: "Maybe you should take up that issue with the coordinator."
BYRON: "Um yeah...I won't be doing that."

For all inquiring minds that want to know...I am training to become a Claims Adjuster for Allstate Insurance. If you know anyone that is currently looking for employment (and has a bachelor's degree) there are 3 (yes, 3) openings in our Livermore office. It would be a great opportunity for those who were thinking about moving up here (but I'm not gonna hold my breath!), so if you know anyone...please let me know!

Thanks for all the support guys...I labs you all!

Hello my peepoles!

I've done everything I said I was going to do...

New Job...got it!
New Body...joined a gym today, plan on going Mon-Sat for at least an hour

I am going to concentrate on myself for the next couple of months. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and not really knowing why...so if anyone wants to follow my lead, please do!

Yay! I have coworkers I can bullshit with now! My eyes are so tired from staring at the computer all day! I stopped by my old work today...I'm such a dork!

Stolen from BOS

Current mood - lethargic
Current music - VH1
Current taste - bathroom cleaner (bleh!)
Current hair - in a ponytail
Current clothes - blue sweatshorts & an old Chi Delt Rush shirt
Current annoyance - dishes that WEREN'T done last night
Current smell - bathroom cleaner
Current thing I ought to be doing - cleaning the bedroom now that the bathroom is clean
Current windows open - Blogger
Current desktop picture - that chick from "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"
Current favorite band - U2
Current book - The Da Vinci Code
Current cd in stereo - John Mayer
Current crush - the Arrowhead guy (haha!)
Current hate - cleaning my bathroom

DO I
Do drugs? no(t anymore)
Have a dream that keeps coming back? - yeah...about having babies
Read the newspaper? - on Sundays
Have any gay or lesbian friends? - look who you're asking
Believe in miracles? - will believe when I see
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? - yes
Consider yourself tolerant of others? - I was a manager that worked with kids AND parents all day. So, the answer is yes.
Consider love a mistake? - it might be a mistake, but it's worth making.
Like the taste of alcohol? - sure, why not?
Have a favorite candy? - Hugs
Believe in astrology? - not really...I just like to read that stuff
Believe in magic? - what kind of magic?
Believe in God? - I believe there is something out there bigger than all of us.
Have any pets? - does at my parents house count?
Go to or plan to go to college? - i just realized that I graduated 3 years ago. Where does the time go?
Have any piercings? - 2 holes in each ear.
Hate yourself - No
Have an obsession? - right now, it's online shopping
Have a secret crush? - uh...
Do they know yet? - uh...
Care about looks? - I care about my looks

LOVE LIFE
Ever been in love? - still am :)
Do you believe in love at first sight? - Taryn & Royce
Do you believe in "the one?" - I think I may have found him
Describe your ideal significant other - someone more like me that can put up with my shit.

JUICY STUFF
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing? - I don't like to call it a game so much as foreplay.
Have you ever been intoxicated? - If I had a nickel for everytime...

LAST THING YOU
Bought - clothes online yesterday
Ate - popcorn last night
Drank - fruit juice
Read - Miah's journal
Watched on tv - Ultrasound on MTV2

EITHER/ OR
club or houseparty - house party
drinks or shots - both
cats or dogs - dogs
pen or pencil - pencil
gloves or mittens - gloves
food or candy - both
cassette or cd - CD
coke or pepsi - water

LAST PERSON YOU
talked to - Byron
hugged - Byron
instant messaged - Jon

WHERE DO YOU
eat - wherever when the urge strikes
cry - in bed
wish you were - I usually say "at home" but that's where I am right now

HAVE YOU EVER
Dated one of your best friends? - yeah, in high school and most of college
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? - yes
Drank alcohol? - how many alcohol questions are on this thing anyway?
Done drugs? - Man, talk about repeating questions
Broken the law? - Moving violations count?
Run away from home? - naw
Broken a bone? - no, thank goodness
Played Truth Or Dare? - yes...back in seventh grade and shit.
Kissed someone you didn't know? - no, they kissed me though
Been in a fight? - not like a fist fight
Come close to dying? - no

WHAT IS
The most embarrassing CD in your collection? - I dunno
Your bedroom like? - So messy, it used to have a bunch of clean clothes in laundry baskets at the foot of the bed, but they were all folded and put away by yours truly.
Your favorite thing for breakfast? - coffee
Your favorite restaurant? - Chili's

RANDOM QUESTIONS
What's on your bedside table? - clock, phone, cell phone, night cream for my knees
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night? - ice cream
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? - Jerry Maguire
What is your biggest fear? - not having kids
What feature are you most insecure about? - my tummy
Do you ever have to beg? - like I'm gonna tell y'all
Are you a pyromaniac? - no
Do you know anyone famous? - no
Describe your bed - big with a dark man snoring on it
Spontaneous or plain? - I'm not spotaneous anymore, too old for that shit
Do you know how to play poker? - yes, but if I'm good at it is another question.
What do you carry with you at all times? - my cell phone
What do you miss most about being little? - not being an adult
Are you happy with your given name? - I didn't like it before, but you don't meet very many Filipinas named Dawn. It's more of a white name.
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year? - ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD.
What color is your bedroom? - white
Do you talk a lot? - Sometimes I don't shut up
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? - Yes
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? - No
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? - For the most part, yes.
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends? - I spend alot of time with Byron by virtue of us living together.
Are you a tease? - I don't think so...at least, not anymore.
Make the first move? - If I'm tired of waiting...yes.

I'M FREEEEEEEE!

Officially umemployed until Monday!

Yay...Jasmine went home (I'm such a hater)!

I was on the damn phone last night for a good 2 hours trying to vote for Fantasia Barrino so that she could stay for the final and win that shit.

You'd think that 2 hours on the phone, I placed a vote....NOPE. I wish her all the luck in the world, but if the world was fair at all...Jasmine's ass would be on a plane back to Hawaii tonight.

commentary:
For all you Filipinos out there...STOP SUPPORTING JASMINE TRIAS. Seriously. I think we as a community have royally fucked ourselves by allowing this to continue. I'm all for seeing a pinay in the spotlight, but she has probably become the most hated contestant in AI history and the Filipino & Hawaiian community has ruined it all for us. Stop the madness...wote for someone you know is good, not someone you know is Filipina (but hasn't really mentioned that, but that's a whole other can of worms).

Thanks Regan

Name Four Bad Habits You Have :
1. picking scabs
2. eating junk food
3. not folding laundry after it's been washed & dried
4. not exercising

Name Four Things That You Wish You Had :
1. a baby (bet you saw that one coming)
2. more time in the day
3. the ability to to transport myself in the blink of an eye like in Star Trek
4. the body I had my senior year of high school

Name Four Scents You Love :
1. Byron after a shower
2. Rocyeeboy
3. Mango Body Butter
4. Grandma's cooking

Name Four Things You'd Never Wear :
1. Plaid golf pants
2. Ugly shoes
3. Cowboy hat (just doesn't look right)
4. Basketball jersey

Name Four Things You Are Thinking About Now :
1. What to cook for dinner
2. My last day tomorrow
3. Giving myself a foot treatment
4. Cleaning the oven (damn, it's like a 2 day project and shit)

Name Four Things That You Have Done Today :
1. Went to work
2. Bought lunch for Liz & Princeza
3. Talked to Byron about not going to his softball game
4. Checked other people's journals

Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought :
1. Clothes from Old Navy
2. Meat Calzone at Me & Ed's
3. Pepsi
4. Rice Krispy Treat

Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink :
1. water
2. coffee
3. juice
4. soda

First Grade Teacher's Name:
Mrs. Hebel

Last Words You Said:
"Good Luck at your game tonight. I love you!"

Last Song You Sang:
”Oh Baby bring it all to me. Gimme your time, your love, your space, your energy.”

Last Person You Hugged:
Jimmy (one of my associates since I wasn't going to see him on my last day)

Last Thing You Laughed At:
Liz talking about her first ICP concert

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And Meant It:
An hour ago

Last Time You Cried:
Sometime last week

What's In Your CD Player:
John Mayer - Room for Squares

What Color Socks Are You Wearing:
White ankle socks that are grey at the toe & heel

What's Under Your Bed:
Closet doors (don't ask)

What Time Did You Wake Up Today:
7:00 am

Current Taste:
Uh...I dunno.

Current Hair:
Just got a hair cut...cut about 3 inches off and it's layered with grown-out highlights.

Current Clothes:
Kiddie Kandids uniform

Current Annoyance:
The spot on my thumb where I pulled out a hangnail. It's pretty sore now.

Current Longing:
Read my journal and figure it out.

Current Desktop Picture:
That chick from "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" on her hands and knees with a tank top and a thong on.

Current Worry:
My sister and my brother.

Current Hate:
Stupid ass parents.

Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex:
Hands...big hands mean...better massages.

Last CD You Bought:
Jason Mraz - Waiting for My Rocket to Come

Favorite Place To Be:
At home with Byron

Least Favorite Place:
Work

If You Could Play An Instrument:
Guitar, mos def

Favorite Color:
Right now, it's pink...may change later

Do You Believe In An Afterlife:
Yup

How Tall Are You :
5'3", but my license say 5'4"

Current Favorite Word/Saying:
Anything with "bitch" or "bitches" tagged to the end

Favorite Season:
Fall

One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To:
My Hallmates from UCSB

Favorite Day:
Sunday

Where Would You Like To Go:
Europe

What Is Your Career Going To Be Like:
not boring

How Many Kids Do You Want:
As many as I'm blessed with

Favorite Car:
2001 Celica GT named Lucky

A Random Lyric :
"I'm addicted to you...don't you know that you're toxic? And I love what you do...don't you know that it's toxic?" -Britney Spears

Identify Some Of The Things Surrounding Your Computer:
Checkbooks, Framed pictures, Bills, Can of Pens, Printer, Me

2 more days...

...and I am up out this bitch! I had lunch with Cindee (my boss) and Jose (BRU Manager), saw my girl Lisa (the new San Jose manager) and just enjoyed being here, which is something that I actually took for granted being that more than half the time I wanted to be somewhere else. But, like I said many, many times before, it's just time for me to move on, to have some kind of continuity in my life and to just focus on the important things that I've lost touch with along the way. Namely, my friends from college and MINDSTATE.

MINDSTATE...I miss those guys. I really do. So much has changed over the past 5 years and those guys truly showed me how to have fun and not take myself so seriously. I feel so out of touch with them and it's not like I can't pick up the phone and call...but with my fucked up schedule, I don't even know how I had time to breathe. Maybe it'll change...

I have this feeling a new challenge is on the horizon...and it has nothing to do with my job.

Time will tell if my gut feeling is right.

CHANGE

I always envisioned it to happen a different way and with this reflection I hope that things will only get more challenging for me. Even at 24 years I still am not sure where I fit in, but I know that everyday I get closer and closer to my place in life. The only constant thing in my life other than my family was change. In fact, looking back on the past year, that’s all I really knew. My job changed, my home changed, even my family changed. I moved out of my parent’s house to another permanent residence, unlike in college when I was just moving around from apartment to apartment. I changed jobs from something that was more along the lines of my major to something that had nothing to do with it at all. My family has become bigger, with Byron’s help. I’ve learned to embrace change and know that’s just the way it’s going to be.

  HAPPPY 1st BIRTHDAY ROYCEE BOY!

This time next week, I will no longer be employed with Kiddie Kandids. *teardrop* I get 4 fabulous days off (not to mention a fucking awesome last paycheck thanks to the saved up PTO) and start at Allstate on Monday. Yay DAWN!

I'll miss seeing babies everyday (now I'm just stuck to the weekends I see Princess Taryn & Roycedizzle), but maybe that'll snap me back to the reality that Byron's in or make the baby lust worse, who knows. My time at Kiddie Kandids was a good time...now it's time to move on.

Poor babe is sick 'cuz of his allegeries, so I came home to him snoring. I hope he feels better when he wakes up. These damn allergies are kicking my ass too.

Why don't people update! I'm bored y'all!

Stolen from ROB (I'm so bored!)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 | Not having kids
02 | Snakes
03 | Cockroaches (bleh!)
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 | Byron
02 | Jimbo & Tony
03 | Taryn & Royce
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 | Byron
02 | My Family
03 | My Friends
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 | Stupid People
02 | Rich, White Parents
03 | Not Getting What I Want
-----------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND:
01 | Byron
02 | Some Parents
03 | French
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 | Checkbooks
02 | Pictures of Me & Byron
03 | Computer
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 | Doing Laundry
02 | Squirming 'cause my tailbone is sore
03 | Thinking about paying bills
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 | Get married & Have a family
02 | Learn to cook like my grandma
03 | Record an entire album
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN DO:
01 | Take Pictures of Babies
02 | Sing & Dance
03 | Make some BOMB-ASS spare ribs
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 | Blunt
02 | Don't take shit from nobody
03 | Can't ask for what I want
--------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I CAN'T DO:
01 | Think of myself first
02 | Dance the way I did in High School
03 | Get up after 8am
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 | Your Heart
02 | John Mayer
03 | Jason Mraz
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:
01 | What everyone else says
02 | George W. Bush
03 | J Lo
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
01 | "What did I say?" (instead of "I told you so!")
02 | "Oh...my goodness"
03 | "Uh Oh!"
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE OF YOUR ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 | Chocolate
02 | Cali Rolls with Tobiko
03 | Meat Calzones from Me & Eds
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE THINGS YOU'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 | How to change my oil
02 | How to play baseball correctly
03 | How to cook like my grandma
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE BEVERAGES YOU DRINK REGULARLY:
01 | Water
02 | Coffee
03 | Coke or Pepsi
------------------------------------------------------------
THREE SHOWS YOU WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:
01 | Full House
02 | Perfect Strangers
03 | Cosby Show
------------------------------------------------------------

COUNTDOWN TO LAST DAY:9 days

I hate this feeling. I know what needs to be done and I don't think that it's fair that everything rides on my shoulders. Am I expecting too much?

FRIENDS finale was exactly what I wanted it to be: Rachel and Ross together forever. Byron said it was too predictable, but I don't think that I would have wanted it to end any other way. *sigh* I need a new hobby for Thursday night.

Worked a 12 hour shift today, but I'm in a pretty good mood because I know that 11 days from now I'll be throwing a peace sign up to Kiddie Kandids and having a glorious 4 days off! The Rentar girls came in and I got to see my goddaughter. Byron was holding her the whole time and she didn't cry once. He must have felt really good about that...they were so cute together. One day man, ONE DAY... At least he's starting to break down...and the fact that I'm starting a new job helps alot too!

I put the comment thingy there for a reason...use it bitches! jk *smooches!*

I found out some shit yesterday that really pissed me off...up until today. Now, I'm just kinda hurt because the person who said this about me I respected in many ways, but not so much anymore.

Here's the story:
On Monday, I put my 2 weeks notice at my work because I got a job at Allstate (M-F; 8:30-5...woohoo!). I'm pretty tight with my boss so everything went really well and she wasn't as upset as I thought she would be. But then I get this call yesterday from my girl Meisha and she tells me that my boss was upset because I didn't tell her boss that I was looking for a new job. So I'm thinking What the fuck? I'm supposed to tell your boss that I'm looking for a new job? This was bullshit. I'm not contractually obligated to tell her boss shit, so she can kiss my ass. I've been totally honest with her about everything that I was feeling about Kiddie Kandids, she knew that I wasn't completely happy and that I was putting my resume out to see what hits I would get and she had that nerve to talk behind my back to a close friend of mine? How fucking professional is that? I thought that I had a good relationship with my boss up until that point and I have no desire to talk to her or see her, all I want to do is work my 2 weeks out and be up out of there.

What sucks even more is that it strained our relationship and I was hoping that we could hang out and shit even though I didn't work for her anymore. I'm not gonna talk to her about it because I don't think that I should have to. I'm fucking tired of being the bigger person and if she had issues she should have talked to me. Another one bites the dust, I guess.

I may be cynical, but I think that eldery people and gas stoves are a VERY BAD IDEA. Someone should have told my mom that before remodeling.

As a request from the reegsta, I have now placed link so you all can place comments. If you are a hater visiting my site, please don't leave negative comments annoymously. Just have some balls and leave your full name...spanks.

A couple of days ago, I was looking through my phonebook on my cell phone and I realized that I don't really speak to half of the people that I have numbers for. So, I decided to take some "friend inventory" which makes me think of who came into my life so quickly, impacted me for the time being and how easily some of those relationships slipped away. Needless to say, my phone book is not nearly as packed as it used to be and with every name I went through I noticed that I had some sort of memory about them. I had a bunch of old co-workers on my phone (from Seneca days), guys I used to talk to back in SB (I'm such a pimp...jk), classmates, high school folks, etc. I never realized how many people I knew and coming from someone who's felt more than alienated lately, it was kind of an ego boost. I know that I can make friends very easily and I know that I mean something to at least 5 people out there (not including my family or Byron). It makes me think that I don't really need people to tell me that their life is a horrible mess without me, but that they're at least better off for having known me.

I highly suggest to you all to look at your cell phones and erase the numbers that you don't call anymore. It'll make you realize that the people you do call mean that much more.

I hope that I'm not overreacting. I think that part of me may be and I'll admit it. But sometimes I feel taken for granted. I think about so much when I'm by myself, almost to the point of insanity, but I've gotten better at keeping it under wraps.

This wasn't the case this week.

Maybe it's because a new change is on the horizon or the fact that I'm truly feeling tired and burnt out from work, but whatever the reason, I feel like it's gonna take some time before this feeling goes away. How do you ask for something that you need and actually get it? I've been trying to figure that out for days and for days I've been going crazy because the answer isn't as clear as I'd like it to be. For a long time, I've felt like something was missing. There is a void that needs to be filled and I don't know how or what to fill it with. I think a much needed vacation is due, some time for me and only me. I was talking to my friend Tricia today (the first Evangelista I've lived with..ha) and I told her that. She said, "But Dawn, you're not." I'm in denial about alot of things, and I'm starting to realize that whatever I feel, I'm creating for myself. Lately, I've been feeling like someone is putting himself WAY before me and being incredibly selfish with his time. I don't know how to get over this. I haven't talked to him since I left this morning, but it's not like he tried to call me either.

MIAH: Thanks for calling and checking in with me. Miss you mucho!