psycho

I don't know what made me think of this, but I had an ex-boyfriend who was, for lack of a better word, psycho. I'm talking crazy here people. He was in a gang and a mama's boy (funny combination, if you ask me) so in addition to being very physically aggressive, his mom hated be by virtue of being with her favorite son. WTH, right? He would do strange things too...at the time I wouldn't think much of it, but now that I'm reflecting on it...he's fucking crazy yo. First he wanted me to keep the condom (ejaculate and all) in a ziploc bag in my room, kept all the condom wrappers in the middle console of his car and requested a used pad from me. I'm actually gagging as I type this. Who the fuck does this shit? Psychos! He would also verbally abuse me, forbid me from talking to any guys (family excluded), wearing shorts, cutting my hair, wearing make-up...what a fucking stupid ass teenager I was.

Looking back now, I have major trust issues that took me about 10 years to work out (he lied...ALL THE TIME), I couldn't trust a man as far as I could throw him, and used my sexuality as a form of acceptance and belonging. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about how long I endured that...in the name of love. I would sneak out at night, lie to my parents and lost my best friend because of him. Is this normal for a 14 year old? I could have really fucked up my life...

And it's times like this where I'm thankful that I was able to get myself out of that abusive relationship. Although he never hit me, he would push me into stuff or out of his car...it was more mental/emotional abuse than anything. I don't know why I'm writing about this now, but I felt like I had to put it out there...not just to put someone on blast, but because it's theraputic to me. There are just some things that you shouldn't keep in.